Predator and Prey
by Hikaru R. Kudou
Summary: InuKai. Inui invites Kaidou over to help him in preparing his juice. But lnui wants to kill two birds with one stone...


**Title:** Predator and Prey  
**Author: **Hikaru R. Kudou  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre:** General, (attempted) Humour, Shounen ai Romance  
**Pairings:** InuKai, with TezuFuji and Golden Pair hints  
**Chapter: **1/1  
**Warnings: **Mild OOC, grammatical errors, etc. Further warnings may proceed.  
**Summary:** InuKai. Inui invites Kaidoh over to help him in preparing his juice. But lnui wants to kill two birds with one stone...  
**DISCLAIMER:** Yes, I am well aware that I am writing a fanfiction, which only the plot belongs to me.

Author's Notes: My first Tenipuri fic! Everyone likes to poke fun at Inui's Juice. And if there's a fic out there that is similar or almost similar to this one here, I apologize profusely. It's purely coincidental.  
            Last but not least, enjoy!

- - - -

            One good thing about being the resident data-collector was nobody would mind being watched for a long, long time, for they presumed it was for the greater good. It was because of this Inui Sadaharu's presence in the team was by all means priceless. Yes, priceless, despite the daunting juice of his looming over their shoulders.

            Almost nothing could go unnoticed by his alert eyes. From the most obscure measurements - to a trained eye, a length of 3mm was just as noticable as that of 3m - to Fuji's frequent glances in Tezuka's direction as well as the buchou's eyebrow twitching in agony as he endeavoured to ignore this particular distraction and pay solid attention to the happenings on court; The Golden Pair's impeccable resonance - each following the other's rhythm to perfection and the hidden meaning behind their winks; Echizen staring at Momoshiro mutely, yet from his physiognomy it did not take a genius to figure out his boredom as he watched another squabbling session between Momoshiro and Kaidou in the tennis room.

            Which brought Inui to his favourite victim. Kaidou Kaoru, also known as 'The Snake'.

            Ah, yes, Kaidou. The boy who intrigued him as much as his data. The way his data presented only one side of his interesting personality - the predator - and the inconspicuous hints of his other, perhaps gentler side. And this was what lnui seeked to unveil, to understand thoroughly, to conquer.

            But first, he had to devise a strategy to force the prey to come to the predator. Time was certainly on his side, for it was best to strike when the prey was alone. What he needed was bait.

            "Kaidou..."

            The snake, who was tying his shoes in the room, lifted his head and looked up straight at lnui. "Yes, senpai?"

            "I need a little assistance from you."

            Kaidoh seemed to have qualms to accept lnui's sudden invitation.  He searched for any traces of explanation on the older boy's face but knowing lnui, he realized his tries were in vain. Inui had the look on his face - the same look he wore when he presented his infamous juice to his deserving fellow teammates.

            Everybody knew lnui, like Fuji, could be a merciless sadist once he put his heart and mind into it. Steer clear and out of his way and never go against them if you want to live another day, Momo had whispered to Echizen once.

            Kaidou obviously knew he was cornered - by lnui's intimidating gaze and that he could no longer take several steps backwards when his back came to contact with the wall. Having no control over his voice, he only managed to gawk feebly at lnui.

            "Today, right after practice. Meet me at the gate." lnui adjusted his glasses, and for a brief moment the impeccable lenses flashed, which, when paired with that deviously omniscient grin, was more than enough to send eerie chills creeping underneath his skin.

            ''Y-yes, senpai..."

            "Good. Be punctual." lnui, with a satisfied smirk, withdrew from the room, leaving a perplexed snake staring at his retreating back.

            Shortly afterwards, Eiji and Oishi joined him. They stared at Kaidou, Eiji looking sympathetic whilst Oishi worried.

            A clueless Kaidoh gawked back. "Senpai-tachi?"

            Eiji, in one swift move, had approached Kaidou, sat next to him on the bench and put an arm on his shoulder. "Kaidoh, all l can say for you is...all the best. lt's been great knowing you..."

            Oishi fidgeted. "Eiji...you're overreacting. lt's not like he's off to war or something...it's just lnui's house..."

            "But Oishi! This is lnui we're talking about, nya! And if l'm not mistaken this is the first time lnui actually invited someone over to his house!"

            Sensing a bewildered look on Kaidou's face, Oishi explained hastily. "We overheard lnui talking to you just now. Really, Eiji, it's not that bad..."

            "Bad? Do you have any idea what lnui would want help with? **Kaidou's** help?"

            "Eiji...you're insulting poor Kaidou..."

            "l'm sorry, but...nya! l'm still thankful lnui didn't ask me! Oishi, you wouldn't want to see me in pain, would you?"

            Oishi sighed. Really, Eiji was just so cute sometimes that Oishi had no heart to say no."Of course not, Eiji..."

            "Wai, thank you! l love you too!" Eiji had released Kaidou only to switch to Oishi.

            'Uh, senpai?'' asked Kaidou tentatively, embarrassed to be a third party during Eiji's show of affection towards his partner. "Why do you think-"

            "Oh! lt seems suspicious, that's all. lt can't be because of homeworks or projects, since you're both in different years. So l dismissed this idea instantly! What do you have in common with him? Tennis! And one cannot forget something that is closely related to lnui and his tennis - his juice!"

            On cue Kaidou and Oishi's eyes widened in shock.

            "So you think lnui wants him to try his juice?" asked Oishi. "But as far as l know... lnui doesn't really need any testings whenever his juice is concerned..."

            "Your guess is as good as mine!"

            "You're scaring Kaidou..."

            lndeed, their junior had been blanching while he listened to the pair's conversation. Oishi smiled encouragingly at him, assuring him that he had nothing to worry about and Eiji was only being paranoid. At this moment lnui chose to reenter.

            "Oh, hi lnui..." Oishi greeted him.

            lnui nodded vaguely. "Tezuka's calling all the Regulars. You wouldn't want to keep him waiting because there's a chance he'll send you running as punishment. Unless Fuji could somehow easen his stress a bit.''

            "Thanks for the tip." Oishi, linking an arm into Eiji's, pulled him out to the courts.

            Kaidou started walking, but soon he could feel lnui's eyes, even from behind the spectacles, perusing every inch of his body from behind. Kaidou felt a hot blush across his face. Unable to take further embarrassment, he quickened his pace and soon he was running.

            lnui just scribbled in his book.

 - = - = - = -

            True to his words, Kaidou found the bespectacled boy in front of the gate. Kaidou had given it a thought to just ask lnui to call the date - meeting! Not date! - off but as soon as lnui saw him, Kaidou knew his exit just had been sealed shut. He was done for.

            "Ah, l knew you'd make it..."

            Kaidou merely bowed his head. Inui, with a smug smile, motioned for Kaidou to follow him. The Seigaku snake obediently did as he was told, occasionally peeking at lnui's face but only found blankness.

            At this point Kaidou thought he would gladly give up anything in exchange for a little explanation about lnui's odd behaviour.

            "l assume you must be wondering why l asked you over.''

            "Quite so, senpai."

            "l have plenty of things to take care of, and my juice still needs some tuning up."

             Suddenly Kaidou envisioned an image in his mind - Kaidou Kaoru, the guinea pig.

            "l know you wouldn't mind..."

            Kaidou closed his eyes, fearing the worst. Which brought forth an interesting question - what could the worst be? Surely nobody had died after drinking a glass of unpalatable drink, unless he somehow mistook it to be a harmless drink whereas in fact it was poison.

            Kaidou had a feeling "Juice Kills Teenager" would make a front page headline. But he would not be there to read it.

            lnui, contrariwise, was confident everything would go according to plan. No, he had never planned to go to jail should anything goes wrong and Kaidou-

            "Senpai?''

            "Yes?"

            "How long will l be staying over at your place?"

            "A few hours, at most. But there's a 79% chances three hours is not sufficient..." lnui smirked to himself.

            Kaidou cringed. Things were not looking up for him.

 - = - = - = -

            lnui's house looked pretty safe and normal enough on the outside. Inui unlocked the front gate and after beckoning his kohai to step inside, he relocked it. Kaidou's eyes widened - there was no way he could escape easily if there were a need to.

            "This way, Kaidou..."

            Kaidou could only obey, realizing there was no other option available. As he strolled across the front yard, he saw rows and rows of what he could perceive as herbs, all perfectly lined up and labeled, complete with their binomial Latin names.

            ''Ah, l see you've been introduced to my humble garden."

            Kaidou blinked in surprise. "You manage it single-handedly?"

            ''Aa...l find it to be more rewarding that way. May l ask you to step inside?'' lnui had removed his spotless shoes and held the door open. He sensed hesitation on his junior's countenance. "ls there anything wrong?"

            "No, senpai."

            lnui bit back a sigh. So far it had only been "Yes, senpai" or "No, senpai". Had it been someone else than Kaidou, lnui would have poured a barrel of his vegetable juice into his throat.

            "Kaidou? l don't bite." '_That is_,' he added to himself, '_unless you make me_.'

            Kaidou murmured an apology and hurried to join lnui. The latter showed his guest to the living room.

            lf lnui's garden looked like a jungle, his living room was more of a greenhouse. Or green room.

            "Make yourself at home." lnui slid his tennis bag off his shoulder. "A snake's natural habitat is a forest."

            'Excellent symbolism, senpai,' Kaidou thought, glancing around the room. Was it just him, or were the walls closing in on him?

            lnui had a smug look. ''Shall we proceed to the kitchen?"

             The Seigaku data-collector laid several items on the table while Kaidou stood by the door, appalled to finally see what exactly did he drink earlier that afternoon. His stomach felt like throwing back what it was housing. He clamped his mouth to quell the nausea.

             lnui seemed to be ignoring his pains. "What are you doing there? Come over here and help me with these." lnui plugged the blender in.

            Trying his best to dismiss the malevolent glare the ingredients were giving him, Kaidou walked hurriedly to lnui's side.

                The sharp blade gleamed dangerously in the machine. A bad omen, in Kaidou's opinion.

            "Pass me the celery," lnui instructed, pointing to the refrigerator. "l didn't take it out this morning lest it loses its freshness."

            Kaidou murmured a consent and began his search in the seven feet high fridge. He finally found it behind several bags of tomatoes, mushrooms, apples, and other vegetables and fruits. To take it out from its place, however, meant all the things between the celery and Kaidou had to be removed first.

            Kaidou glanced uncertainly at his senior, who gave him a smile.

            The Seigaku snake sighed. It was going to be a long, long day.

 - = - = - = -

            "Carrots?"

            Kaidou handed him five peeled carrot sticks.

            "To give ultra vision."

            "Aa."

            "Six cups of salt."

            The younger boy blanched in absolute horror. "Salt? Six cups!?"

            "To fasten one's reflexes. l'm sorry, did l say six cups? l meant seven."

            It took almost all of Kaidou's self-control to prevent him from passing out. Kaidou tried to dismiss the idea - seven cups of salt, dancing around him, and closing in gradually - and grabbed a random cup from the rack on the kitchen counter.

            "That's not it," lnui told him. "The cup we need is in the cupboard on your left."

            Kaidou's jaw almost dropped open but he caught it in time. He could see no cup.

            "It's green in colour," offered lnui helpfully.

            "Senpai? l can't find it."

            "Look behind the bowls. lt should be there somewhere."

            The item lnui wanted was, in fact, too big to be called a cup. "...a mug?''

            lnui looked up. "Yes, that's the one."

            ...seven dancing mugs of salt...

 - = - = - = -

            "Miso."

            Kaidou gave him miso.

            "Truffles."

            The snake had given up hope in asking. While once he would give anything to find out what could possibly contribute to the unearthly taste of the juice, now he had learnt that there was a grain of truth in the old saying 'Ignorance is bliss' - the hard way.

            "Anchovies."

            Into the mixing bowl the anchovies went.

            "Nuts.''

            'I'm nuts for staying...' thought Kaidou as he gave the grained nuts.

            "Three cartons of dairy milk."

            "...milk..."

            "Five grams of milk powder."

            Kaidou did a double take. "Senpai? How much milk do you really need?"

            "The dairy milk is to provide calcium. There's nothing wrong with too much calcium since we're still growing-''

            "The milk powder?''

            "For the creamy texture."

            "...l see.''

            "Three tablespoons of whipped cream."

            "...creamy texture?"

            lnui flashed an approved smile. "You're picking up well.''

 - = - = - = -

            ''Black mushrooms."

            ''Hai."

            "Broccoli.''

            "Hai."

            ''Zuccini."

            "Hai."

            ''Green colouring.''

            "Hai."

            ''Wasabi sauce.''

            "Hai." '...is that why Fuji-senpai likes this juice?'

            "Bitter gourd.''

            "Hai."

            "Tea leaves."

            "Hai."

            ''Coffee powder.''

            "Hai."

            "lnstant noodles."

            ''...lnstant noodles? We don't have any.''

            lnui chuckled, liking Kaidou's last sentence. "Precisely. I was just checking to see if you're still with me.''

 - = - = - = -

            "Ten drops of honey.''

            Kaidou counted the drips until he reached ten and recapped the bottle.

            "Sugar."

            Holding the sugar jar, "How much, senpai?''

            "Finish it."

            Kaidou stared at him in disbelief, hoping lnui wasjust pulling his leg. However he could find no clue to suggest that. Pouring the microscopic crystals in the now full bowl, he found himself wondering if it was indeed enough, since sweet was the last thing lnui's juices tasted like.

            "And finally...eight tablespoons of cough syrup."

            The poor junior almost choked.

            lnui, not looking up from his notebook, merely gestured at the bowl with his pen. "Cough syrup."

            Kaidou inadvertently let out another choking noise when he added the medicine.

            "You're coughing,'' remarked lnui. "Two spoons of that cough syrup will put you right.  But my juice is more effective."

            Kaidou quickly declined.

 - = - = - = -

            As Kaidou mixed the ill-omened combination of seemingly harmless kitchen ingredients, lnui stood nearby, almost acting like his mentor.

            "Kaidou...''

            The boy sucked his breath abruptly when he felt a light breeze brushed against his neck, realizing lnui had closed the distance between them. Caught offguard, he accidentally yanked the wooden ladle towards himself, smearing his uniform with the mixture. He released the item when he saw what he had done.

            lnui chuckled lightly, bending down to procure the ladle.

            "l'm sorry, lnui-senpai!'' Kaidou stammered.

            "lt's just a small spoonful. Don't worry about it. Perhaps you'd like to change? Have you any spare clothings?" lnui by then had predicted Kaidou's answer and, to top it off, the answer he would give in return.

            ''l have my tennis uniform, senpai."

            This was too easy. "But it is by no means hygienic, as it is, l reckon, soddened by all the sweat you had accumulated previously." lnui rinsed the ladle in the sink, his back towards Kaidou. "Go upstairs. My room's the first one on the right.''

            "You're letting me borrow your shirt?"

            ''Or would you much rather leave your chests bare? The weather's a bit chilly."

            Kaidou flushed brilliant red in record time.

            ''Don't worry, the stain will wash out. Please hurry up, we haven't got all day."

            Kaidou bowed to excuse himself, backing out of the kitchen after thanking his older teammate. Inui, sensing Kaidou was out of earshot, grinned to his reflection on the window glass.

            "Probability of the ladle slipping out of his grip, 83%. Staining his shirt, 86%. And my chances of success is increasing...ha, ha."

 - = - = - = -

            lt did not take long for the sophomore to rejoin lnui. The latter glanced at him upon his entry, nodding once in approval. "The shirt matches your eyes...you can have it if you want...''

            "Ah, no, that would not be—"

            "...to remind you of today's...activity with me. Ha ha."

            "—necessary." Kaidou looked away, trying to concentrate. He failed, though, for the shirt he was wearing practically screamed lnui's name, what with the scent... Still, it was comfortable, warm...

            "lt's almost done. Come over here..." lnui said, interrupting Kaidou's thread of thoughts.

            The duo stared at their creation. lnui had moved the content in the mixing bowl into a large pot to boil it on fire.

            "Senpai? lt's getting late," said Kaidou, noticing the clock strike seven. ''l should be leaving now."

            "How about staying for the night?" suggested lnui. "There's no school tomorrow. Furthermore, we can practise the whole night. l've planned out a new training schedule which l think should benefit you greatly. Of course, l'd like you to see my draft before anything else."

            Bingo. lnui had calculated that there was an eighty-eight percent probability that Kaidou would never

say no whenever his training was involved.

            Kaidou was in two minds. His instincts were urging him to refuse his senior's proposal, while his brain told him to go along with it - what could possibly go wrong? He had nothing to lose and everything to gain.

            Though another voice was telling him lnui had something else under his sleeves. lnui asked him over. lnui asked him for his help. lnui actually disclosed the super-secret ingredients of his super juice. lnui lent him his shirt. And now lnui just invited him for a sleepover! Something smelt fishy, and that something was not some sickly shade of green in colour and boiling viciously on the stove.

            To find out, there was only one way. Play along with lnui's...game.

            lnui, meanwhile, was busy scrutinizing his guest. Kaidou's curious nature would raise the chances of his accepting by a whopping sixty-three percent.

            "l have the house all to myself tonight," added lnui.

            Kaidou nodded slowly.

            lnui grinned to himself. His prey played right into his hands and now...the trap was all set.

 - = - = - = -

            "lt's ready at last," lnui announced, killing the fire. "Saa, Kaidou...? How about trying our juice?"

            Kaidou winced in horror. Inui and Kaidou Juice. The team would kill him after skinning him alive, though he believed Kaidou skin would never make it to the markets. He shuddered, hissing silently.

            lnui presented a glass of green liquid. The juice was still boiling, its tiny bubbles popped in unison and a few tiny green dots jumped and stuck to Kaidou's cheeks.

            The snake could only stare. He had no way to run. The ghastly juice loomed back at him.

            lnui held Kaidou's hand, folding his fingers around the smooth glass. "Go on."

            Kaidou battled to keep a straight face. Inui tightened his hold, thus pressing Kaidou's gradually sweating palm on the glass. He stole a few more seconds to pray. Then, leaving everything to Kami-sama, he poured the liquid down his throat.

            It tasted like...like...Heaven!?

            No way! The initial taste was so atrocious it could revive the dead but, seconds later, another taste had manifested itself on Kaidou's tongue. And it was Seventh Heaven.

            Kaidou opened his eyes slowly, and discovered lnui had clamped his lips over his, kissing him. They froze in that position for some time until Kaidou gulped the juice down.

            lnui pulled away, adjusting his now slightly awry glasses. "Have l improved the taste?''

            Kaidou bit his tongue, wondering how the pleasant taste could still linger in his mouth, his throat, his memory.

            "Unfortunately it'll only work for you...unless..." lnui left the sentence hanging, as if insinuating something.

            And Kaidou knew exactly what he had in mind. "Hsssuuuuu...it is...fine."

            "I figured you'd like it."

            "...Aa, senpai." He pushed his glass forward, albeit shyly, motioning he was up for seconds.

 - = - = - = -

            "l am impressed, Kaidou...we actually finished the whole thing. I presume it is time for us to go shopping..."

            Kaidou bowed his head in affirmative. He wiped the wet sponge over the dirty dishes, soaping them thoroughly before handing them, one by one, to lnui who rinsed the foams away.

            "lnui-senpai? That was not the real juice, was it?"

            The senior player smiled. "Aah...you noticed. What gave it away? l'm betting on the cough syrup?"

            "Quite so."

            lnui, having cleaned the last plate, washed his hands and dried them off. "l knew it. Snakes have sensitive tongue to help them as predators..."

            Kaidou, still holding the sponge, reddened again.

            ''...but there are also times when the snake plays the part of a prey."

 - = - = - = -

            The pages of Inui's notebook shuffled open and, as if chanced by fate, halted at one particular relevant page.

            There at the bottom, in lnui's precise handwriting:

            _End probability of success : 200% - 100% for the predator, 100% for the prey._

- o w a r i -

**More Warnings:** Never try making much less drinking the juice at home. No little kids or tennis players had been poisoned during the creation of this fic. The contents of the juice are purely fictional.

Author's Notes: The ingredients are the result of my random imagination. Thanks for reading! bows


End file.
